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Almost Fat-Free Low-Carb Honey Cake

a.. 3/4 c egg substitute
b.. 1 c granular Splenda
c.. 1- 1/2 c honey (oy)
d.. 7 c Guilt
e.. 1 tbsp canola oil
f.. 1/2 c prune puree (omit if serving to IBS sufferers)
g.. Juice and rind of 1 medium orange
h.. 1/2 c strong, warm coffee
i.. 3 c sifted unbleached ATKINS flour
j.. 1 t baking soda
k.. 1 t cinnamon
l.. 3 t baking powder
m.. 1 t salt (remember the tragedy)
n.. 1/2 t allspice
o.. 1/2 C chopped walnuts
p.. 1/2 C dark or yellow raisins

Preheat oven to 325 degrees and complain that your kitchen is too hot.

Lament that you've not heard from your children. In mixing bowl, beat egg substitute and sugar substitute until thick mixture resembles something you would normally either throw up or throw away. Add honey (carbs), then oil and prune puree; mix well.

In a separate bowl mix orange juice, rind and coffee. Call your sister to complain about your varicose veins that are killing you from all the heat in the kitchen and suggest that you'd have been spared this agony if she'd have made the ferkakte cake. In a large bowl, sift together the Guilt, flour, baking soda, cinnamon, baking powder, salt, and allspice.

To the mixing bowl (with egg/sugar substitute mess) add the sifted ingredients alternately with the orange/coffee mixture. Mix in chopped nuts and raisins (you can flour raisins 1st so they don't sink to bottom of cake; leave unfloured for an extra something wonderful to complain about).

Spray and flour a 9x13x2 rectangular pan or 12 bundt pan. Pour in batter and place in center of oven. Ask your daughter why you don't yet have any grandchildren.

Bake for approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes. Test with cake tester or slim knife which should come out almost dry. (The cake cooks in its own heat when removed from oven, not unlike your former partner--that gonif--cooking crack with your company's first quarter profits). Place on a rack to cool for 20 minutes.

Slip knife around edges to remove from pan. Sprinkle with sugar-free confectioners' sugar (what, they haven't invented it yet?) and garnish with nuts. Before serving, announce that the cake is terrible.

SERVES: 4 Jews / 16 Non-Jews

Posted by Norene Gilletz