Modern Tashlich

Taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread that is in house lacks subtlety, nuance and religious sensitivity...
Instead, this coming Rosh Hashanah consider these options:
  For ordinary sins, use White Bread
  For exotic sins, French Bread
  For particularly dark sins, Pumpernickel
  For complex sins, Multigrain
  For twisted sins, Pretzels
  For tasteless sins, Rice Cakes
  For sins of indecision, Waffles
  For sins committed in haste, Matzo
  For sins committed in less than eighteen minutes, Shmurah Matzo
  For sins of chutzpah, Fresh Bread
  For substance abuse, Poppy Seed
  For committing arson, Toast
  For committing auto theft, Caraway
  For being ill tempered, Sourdough
  For silliness, Nut Bread
  For not giving full value, Shortbread
  For excessive use of irony, Rye Bread
  For telling bad jokes, Corn Bread
  For hardening our hearts, Jelly doughnuts
  For being money hungry, Enriched Bread or Raw Dough
  For warmongering, Kaiser Rolls
  For immodest dressing, Tarts
  For causing injury or damage to others, Tortes
  For promiscuity, Hot Buns
  For racism, Crackers
  For sophisticated racism, Ritz Crackers
  For davvening off tune, Flat Bread
  For being holier than thou, Bagels
  For unfairly upbraiding another, Challah
  For indecent photography, Cheese Cake
  For trashing the environment, Dumplings
  For sins of laziness, Any Very Long Loaf
  For sins of pride, Puff Pastry
  For lying, Baked Goods with Nutrasweet and Olestra
  For wearing tasteless hats, Tam Tams
  For the sins of the righteous, Angel Food Cake
  For selling your soul, Devils Food Cake
  For lust in your heart, Wonder Bread
  For inhaling, Stoned Wheat
May you be written....


Posted by Beverly Ann Meyers